Weekend had been a dismal affair. I just learned that I won’t be able to get in to my dream school where I plan to take master’s degree. Then I spent the days alone in the house setting up my own DVD marathon with movies I didn’t manage to finish. I am a fan of boy movies so I don’t know why Captain America and Man of Steel suddenly became less appealing. Also, I have been anticipating for a ping in my mailbox, in big hopes that a good news awaits me there, but alas! I was left to wait in vain. I know today is Monday, and I should start the week with a lighter note, leaving behind whatever disillusionment the past weekend had brought me. I guess I just can’t get over. And I refuse to believe I am the only one who had a not-so-good weekend.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do between the two is the worst kind of suffering. -Paulo Coelho
I quoted this from By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, my favorite of all of Paulo Coelho’s works, before Veronika Decides to Die and Eleven Minutes that is. I believe this is sooo fitting with my current state of mind. I have long forgotten my fear of rejection, after all the bright things that I was accepted in, so being shunned to the losers’ side no longer has the power to hurt me that much. But good heavens, it still stings! No matter how many times I recite my mantra, “I am not a loser,” I can still feel the tangy taste of rejection in my tongue.
So I have been debating with myself in the middle of the night. I can give up one of my dreams to give way to another. Yes, I have so many dreams. And then keep on waiting for that mailbox to ping the good news, believing that it will arrive at the proper time. Or, I can just forget all about it. Who knows? Maybe God has something grander for me.
But between the two quotations, there’s one more I’ve found, the most powerful of all. I just opened up the book where it came from, and it went like this.
Have a great week ahead.