It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I’m, I’m with you…
I don’t know what year this song was released, but all I can say is that, no matter how many times I upgrade and update my mp3 players and playlists, this song never goes missing. Most of Avril’s songs oftentimes soothe my troubled soul, maybe because the words clearly speak the usual emotional state I am in. Needless to say, Avril is one of my favorite artists. I am not a religious fan, though, so I wasn’t really aware of what’s going on. Until I chatted with one of my friends after I was discharged from the hospital. She told me Avril Lavigne got sick, too, and the symptoms sounded just like mine. I immediately googled it, and well, it was surprising, and somehow heartbreaking. Avril’s got Lyme disease.
I read the articles about how she revealed her battle against the said disease, and I felt her frustrations in the first few months of being clueless as to what’s going on with her. It actually brought me back to when I was still running from doctor to doctor and hopping from hospital to hospital just to find out finally what is this mystery that cripples me bit by bit. When I read the words can’t go shower for a straight week ’cause I can’t barely stand, I said, woah! That sounds a lot like me! And I should say that being bedridden for five months feeling like you’re dying without knowing why, and without being even given the chance to fight for survival is way too much. I remember I went on ptosis and suffered double vision for six straight weeks, not knowing why, or how and not taking any meds for it. Thankfully, I have family and friends who supported me and have always been there for me.
I wikied Lyme disease, just to see if it is somehow related to myasthenia gravis. But then, it’s not, since it’s actually acquired through bacteria. Endless medical terms that I could barely understand suggest that there are neurological impacts relating to this disease. Kind of disturbing, actually, that a small tick bite could get a life out of a human being. The loss of the ability to move facial muscles, tiredness, over fatigue – these symptoms have all been mine, and those who also have MG. If this disease stays in the body once acquired, it wasn’t really clear to me as I am still trying to comprehend what my research papers have been telling me. All I understand is that, it’s all too frustrating when help is out of reach just because a lot of people aren’t aware that diseases like this actually exist. Take mine for instance, I was first diagnosed with GBS (Guillain-Barrè Syndrome), the the second doctor decided it was actually multiple sclerosis that got me. Imagine the nights I spent crying and trying to understand why this is all happening to me, then all of a sudden, I would be told that, hey, sorry. It’s myasthenia gravis. I just can’t imagine how Avril must have felt when she was told that her sickness doesn’t exist and that she was crazy! I could have run after the doctor with an axe in my hand if I was her.
I think raising awareness is very important. Even if I oftentimes write about my MG journey here, I stil don’t feel like parading my MG face in Facebok pages. It’s actually hard, to go through a condition that a few people know about, and having to explain it each time I am being asked. Even my swallowing ability is in question. But that doesn’t mean that life sucks. Most of the time, it’s in the dark phase of my life that I understand fully just how much God loves me. And like Avril, who looks to be in much better shape now and in the right, positive perspective, anyone who undergoes a bad experience such as this can also come up with something good out of it.