Tabula Rasa

Normally, a clean slate is done on New Year’s day. New year, new hope, new beginning. I couldn’t say that this year has been great, but of course, life isn’t life without the bumpy roads ahead. I went haywire for a few days to think over the things I’ve done stupidly, and there are a lot of things I realized. Today, I decided to make it official. I want to give myself the chance to start again, begin fresh with the Lord’s grace.

First thing I realized is that letting go isn’t something I should do just because. Giving up doesn’t mean that I surrender, or that I have been fighting a losing battle. It’s just that some battles aren’t really worth fighting for. I may have invested a lot – emotions, effort, time and energy, but at the end of the day, it’s the kind of war that I would ask myself, is it really worth it?

Second, it’s never wrong to confide in trusted friends. I don’t have many friends, but I could say that the few ones I’ve got are true. They are the ones who tell me things, not the things that I want to hear but the things I need to hear. Even if it hurts my feelings and bruises my pride, they would say the words because they want me to get better.

Third, what’s the use of protecting other people if it destroys me in the process? I am done of cover-ups, of lies. I have been kind enough to the point of feeling used, and it’s no longer healthy for me. Maybe it’s time to be kind to myself, to protect myself and claim that peace of mind I so long to have.

Fourth, there is no greater refuge than the love of God. Yes, I have known this all along, but still it makes me wonder why, I feel His love more when I’m in my lowest. God has given me more mornings to wake up to, He has blessed me with true friends, He has shown me His never-ending grace and mercy. Everything is so good that there isn’t any point of wanting them to stop all together.

There is no delete, backspaces or even restore factorh settings in life. But one could always start anew.

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