“No matter how you feel inside, you must always look good on the outside.” That’s one of the words of wisdom I’ve picked up from Once Upon a Time. On good days, I might actually believe that. Though physical appearance isn’t on the top of your list of important things, it still makes an impression. But on bad days, which is practically most days for chronically ill people, well, it’s really hard to care about the way you look, especially if you are on a lot of drugs, or you simply can’t move in the literal sense.
And I am talking about experience.
Gone were the days when my eyes looked heavy with eyeliners and mascara. I no longer bother, for most of the time I can’t even lift my hands and arms to do the job. Now my eyes would look heavy, not from make-up but from my symptoms. Bright red lips are sometimes okay, but totally optional. I can’t see the point of wearing them red. Though colored lip balm became my best friend.
My hair is getting longer, and dull. Sometimes unconditioned. I can’t even do the ritual of one hundred brush strokes every night for the same reason I can no longer put mascara. It really sucks sometimes, that I just want to have it chopped to a pixie, but the hopeful side of me still have more creative plans with it.
I don’t take my skin forgranted though. I use a special bath soap to maintain the smoothness of my skin all over. And I moisturize a lot. As for my facial moisturizer, it gives me that pinkish glow. Unwanted hairs have become more prominent (and stubborn, too) when I started taking Prednisone. Waxing is such a pain, but I make sure to do it. I just pray that it’s a good day when I need to do it.
I don’t feel bad about it though. I just wish I could do something more with how I look, so just to feel better. But I definitely want to do something new with my hair.